Sexual Identity & Orientation

The other day, some friends of mine were discussing the various terms and slang words used by and sometimes against the LGBTQI community. Some of these terms were new to each of us. Some terms that we used with abandon were not in the list we were looking at. What really made the discussion memorable was when a friend noticed that, although they had several similar terms, the term “versatile” was absent. Since both he and I are what would be termed versatile, we found that a bit interesting. Another friend posited that perhaps that such a thing as that should be listed as part of one’s sexual identity/orientation because it is perhaps even a better definition of who one is sexually than just the gender of the one(s) to whom you are attracted. She was wanting to stimulate debate, but the other guy abruptly went on with reading the list. She brought it up again, noting how funny it was that he not only let that thought die, but that he had kind of killed it. He went straight to reading more terms. Although that provoked laughter, I think her remark was very interesting—even sagacious, because it shows just how irrelevant someone’s private sexuality between consenting adults should be to anyone else. It should not be a piqued subject of inquiry about another person. “Is she straight? Is he gay? Is s/he the dominant one in a relationship?” What one does in bed may partially define you, but it does not solely define you. Why should that matter to anyone else but you and your partner (or partners)?