I was a new graduate student at the University of S____ C_______. I know what you’re thinking: “That must be a great, friendly LGBTQI place!” Yes, I’m being ironic there. Maybe moronic, too. Whatever. NEWAZ, I was taking a variety of classes. One was a survey/history of literary criticism. I know you’re just shivering at the thought. So was I (there’s the irony again: sue me, I’m a huge fan of Machado de Assis). The course was actually engaging, although it was taught in almost reverse chronological order, so that we could be familiar with the “latest trends” and then work our way back to foundations. For many of us, in several different departments, this was our first serious, tough graduate class. There were other students from comp. Lit. There were students from Philosophy, English, Film Studies, and even Religious Studies in the class. A few of us would get together after the seminar and get dinner and talk about the class or about anything but the class. I reveled in the camaraderie and forged friendships with people in my department who had very different interests than mine and with people in other departments.
Part of our class requirements was that each student was to give a report on certain topics covered in the survey. I chose “écriture féminine” because I had read enough of the writings of one of its proponents Hélène Cixous due to my adoration of Clarice Lispector, the Brazilian author whose work Cixous often holds as an exemplar of her theories. (Some of these theories I find quite reductive, but that’s not for this blog. & yes, I am showing the ingrainment of academia into my normal mode of discourse. Sorry if this gets too stultifying.)
NEWAZ, since we were going in reverse chronological order, I had to present early on in the fall semester. I was the only one in the class who could read Portuguese. I was probably one of the few who even knew it was a separate language! So, I presented on Cixous and discussed her theory of écriture féminine and how it is not necessarily bound to be by a female writer. I also talked about Cixous’s idea of ”bisexuality” as evading the notion of privilege accorded to writing or speech that presupposed male domination/patriarchy and heterosexism. It was not a riveting presentation, but I think I articulated what Cixous was arguing. After other presentations and lectures by our professor, we went off to dinner. Melanie, a non-traditional student in Comp Lit who specialized in French literature and theory complemented me on my presentation at the Greek restaurant we had invaded that night. I was beaming, because I was unsure of how I had done, especially since I also called a famous thinker out on some issues in her reading, although I was some lowly, first-year grad student. Talk moved from the class to the latest news to the dumbest things we had seen on TV lately.
Our group that night was pretty large. I was sharing a table with Melanie, Kelly (also from Comp. Lit.), Genara (from Italian and Classics), Ali and Christian from Comp. Lit, and Ivan from the Philosophy Dept. We talked seriously about topics. We bullshitted about nothing. We laughed. Some of us would get up and dance when a good song came on. At one point, Ivan and I were alone at the table. He was also teaching a class for the first time this semester and he was always dressed in a nice shirt and tie when he came to our seminar class. He never even loosened his tie at these dinners, and he had been to a few. While the music played, Ivan looked down and then brought my attention from watching the others on the dance floor to him. “You know, something about this tie always makes me hungry.”
I looked at the tie. It was multicolored in small splashes of various bright shades. It contrasted nicely with his blue shirt that was slightly darker than old denim. I looked at his eyes. I’d never noticed them before. They were beautiful. Hazel but with more green qualities. He was smiling. (Why am I such a sucker for beautiful eyes and a cute smile?). “I see what you mean. All of a sudden I’m starving!” I don’t recall saying that in any sort of lascivious way, but the gleam in his eyes as he continued to smile shook me. Did they turn the heat on in there?
“I liked your presentation tonight.”
”Oh?”
“Yeah. I’m impressed by someone who can manipulate more than one foreign language.”
“I guess God blessed me with an agile tongue.’ (Again, I was not consciously, purposely trying to be Mr. Double Entendre.)
Ivan seemed to sense my guilelessness in that utterance, but still shot back, “Oh, really?” in a way so that I would recognize what I had just said.
“Oh, God! I didn’t mean for it to sound like that!”
Ivan continued smiling and eye-glinting. He looked down at his plate of Greek pizza. “So, that talk about bisexuality was just theory, huh?”
Despite not feeling able to come out at home and being afraid people would mistake the way I viewed myself with how I viewed Sapphira, I had decided that here in grad school in a new place I would not misrepresent myself. “No...it’s not just theoretical, I guess.”
Ivan looked up, with a piqued interest. “Do you practice what you preach?”
This time I did say something provocative on purpose, even if I didn’t then think it applied to me in any way. “Practice makes perfect…”
“Would you like to, I don’t know, go out & do something sometime, just us?”
“I think I would like that.”
He finally loosened that tie a little.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Bisexual Questionnaire 2
1. Why do you need to identify as bisexual? Why don’t you “pass” as straight or gay, depending on your situation?
A: It would be dishonest, & I shouldn’t have to cave in to someone else’s inability to see beyond the binary.
2. Do you have specific sexual positions when you’re with a woman as opposed to with a man?
A: Why do you keep asking about the sexual aspects? For me personally, the emotional bond is much sexier. (I prefer face-to-face intimacy, though, regardless)
3. Okay, fine. Have you ever been in love with someone to whom you had no sexual attraction?
A: Yes. (Not that these people were repulsive; sexual desire just wasn’t there)
4. Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t in love with?
A: Yes, but sex is much more satisfying to me (even just in the physical sense) when I feel some emotional bond to my partner.
5. Are the names in your stories real? Is that what really happened?
A: I have related what happened as well as I can. I may have edited a few things. Some conversations may have been a bit longer with more digressions than I have written here. Generally, I have changed names, although one story does have the main people’s real names. I usually write the tale with real names, then find-replace. I forgot in one of the tales.
6. Have you had more male partners or female partners?
A: *sigh* Back harping on just the sex aspect, huh? Fine. Male.
7. Have you ever picked someone up at a bar?
A: I am generally not a fan of the bar scene—whether it be straight or gay.
8. Was your best orgasm with a man or a woman?
A: What is your obsession with only the sex part? Jeez! It was a woman, she made me arch my back and shudder for over half an hour even after the moment of climax. Happy now?
9. Very. Why does it bother you for me to ask about the sex part?
A: Because actual sex is only one part of sexual identity.
10. Are people surprised when you come out to them?
A: Sometimes. It’s usually only for one of those binaries, though.
“I thought you only slept with guys!” or “I thought you were straight!”
11. What about “bisexual chic”?
A: That’s not easy to answer. It sucks to have had some people think I was trying to be trendy when I have identified and been bi for a long time now, even when it’s not “fashionable.” Also, the “chic” and “experimental” aspect seems to privilege heterosexist norms.
12. What do you mean?
A: Well, although there are indeed many questioning people and “experimenting” can resolve any questions those individuals might have, the “fashionable” side seems to be provocative for the sake of being provocative. It also seems to imply that while one might “fool around” with a same-sex partner, the main attraction and social identification will be with the opposite-sex partner. “I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” ? I’m being a bit reductive, but it is a way I feel at times.
13. “Heterosexist norms”? “Reductive”? You’re in academia, aren’t you?
A: Yes. Sorry for the jargon.
14. Do you act more straight or gay?
A: I act like me. There are aspects that could be stereotyped as typically straight-male behavior, some as women’s behavior, some as queeny behavior. I can camp it up very well. Gen-X’ers of all sexualities can Baby Jane you when inspired.
15. Have you experienced more prejudice coming from straights or from gays?
A: I’ve had some from both, and homophobia is much more rampant. It needs to be eradicated first & foremost. The worst reaction I have ever had was from a woman friend (just a friend for whom I held no sexual desire) who liked me as her “gay friend,” like on Sex & the City, but when she found out I was bisexual, she seemed to think I was making a play for her and became very uncomfortable around me.
16. What do you do when someone believes something like that about you or your sexuality that isn’t true?
A: You can try to reassure them, educate them, convince them, but many people, when they have an idea firmly in their head, will stick with that belief, regardless of any evidence to contradict it. Tragic, but true.
17. Why did you close off comments on the posts?
A: I had a few germane comments, but most were from gay-bashers or people dedicated to bisexual erasure in the upholding of the sexuality binary. I also had one person who kept writing, “I know you! You’re _____, aren’t you!” That person was wrong, but kept posting in the comments section. I got tired of posting responses that I was not in fact who they thought I was (see reply to previous question).
18. Do you think most people are bisexual and just slip into one of the binaries of being totally gay or totally straight?
A: I make no assertions or assumptions about anything or anyone.
19. Women can fake an orgasm. Can a guy?
A: I don’t know. I have had orgasms that did not produce ejaculate, though. Perhaps it’s so-called polymorphous perversity, perhaps it was a prostate orgasm, perhaps a “braingasm,” but I have definitely had endorphins flood every fiber of my being and give me ecstatic pleasure throughout my body even without traditional male “coming.”
20. Must be nice. Is that twenty questions yet?
A: It is now.
21. Aw, crap!
A: It would be dishonest, & I shouldn’t have to cave in to someone else’s inability to see beyond the binary.
2. Do you have specific sexual positions when you’re with a woman as opposed to with a man?
A: Why do you keep asking about the sexual aspects? For me personally, the emotional bond is much sexier. (I prefer face-to-face intimacy, though, regardless)
3. Okay, fine. Have you ever been in love with someone to whom you had no sexual attraction?
A: Yes. (Not that these people were repulsive; sexual desire just wasn’t there)
4. Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t in love with?
A: Yes, but sex is much more satisfying to me (even just in the physical sense) when I feel some emotional bond to my partner.
5. Are the names in your stories real? Is that what really happened?
A: I have related what happened as well as I can. I may have edited a few things. Some conversations may have been a bit longer with more digressions than I have written here. Generally, I have changed names, although one story does have the main people’s real names. I usually write the tale with real names, then find-replace. I forgot in one of the tales.
6. Have you had more male partners or female partners?
A: *sigh* Back harping on just the sex aspect, huh? Fine. Male.
7. Have you ever picked someone up at a bar?
A: I am generally not a fan of the bar scene—whether it be straight or gay.
8. Was your best orgasm with a man or a woman?
A: What is your obsession with only the sex part? Jeez! It was a woman, she made me arch my back and shudder for over half an hour even after the moment of climax. Happy now?
9. Very. Why does it bother you for me to ask about the sex part?
A: Because actual sex is only one part of sexual identity.
10. Are people surprised when you come out to them?
A: Sometimes. It’s usually only for one of those binaries, though.
“I thought you only slept with guys!” or “I thought you were straight!”
11. What about “bisexual chic”?
A: That’s not easy to answer. It sucks to have had some people think I was trying to be trendy when I have identified and been bi for a long time now, even when it’s not “fashionable.” Also, the “chic” and “experimental” aspect seems to privilege heterosexist norms.
12. What do you mean?
A: Well, although there are indeed many questioning people and “experimenting” can resolve any questions those individuals might have, the “fashionable” side seems to be provocative for the sake of being provocative. It also seems to imply that while one might “fool around” with a same-sex partner, the main attraction and social identification will be with the opposite-sex partner. “I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” ? I’m being a bit reductive, but it is a way I feel at times.
13. “Heterosexist norms”? “Reductive”? You’re in academia, aren’t you?
A: Yes. Sorry for the jargon.
14. Do you act more straight or gay?
A: I act like me. There are aspects that could be stereotyped as typically straight-male behavior, some as women’s behavior, some as queeny behavior. I can camp it up very well. Gen-X’ers of all sexualities can Baby Jane you when inspired.
15. Have you experienced more prejudice coming from straights or from gays?
A: I’ve had some from both, and homophobia is much more rampant. It needs to be eradicated first & foremost. The worst reaction I have ever had was from a woman friend (just a friend for whom I held no sexual desire) who liked me as her “gay friend,” like on Sex & the City, but when she found out I was bisexual, she seemed to think I was making a play for her and became very uncomfortable around me.
16. What do you do when someone believes something like that about you or your sexuality that isn’t true?
A: You can try to reassure them, educate them, convince them, but many people, when they have an idea firmly in their head, will stick with that belief, regardless of any evidence to contradict it. Tragic, but true.
17. Why did you close off comments on the posts?
A: I had a few germane comments, but most were from gay-bashers or people dedicated to bisexual erasure in the upholding of the sexuality binary. I also had one person who kept writing, “I know you! You’re _____, aren’t you!” That person was wrong, but kept posting in the comments section. I got tired of posting responses that I was not in fact who they thought I was (see reply to previous question).
18. Do you think most people are bisexual and just slip into one of the binaries of being totally gay or totally straight?
A: I make no assertions or assumptions about anything or anyone.
19. Women can fake an orgasm. Can a guy?
A: I don’t know. I have had orgasms that did not produce ejaculate, though. Perhaps it’s so-called polymorphous perversity, perhaps it was a prostate orgasm, perhaps a “braingasm,” but I have definitely had endorphins flood every fiber of my being and give me ecstatic pleasure throughout my body even without traditional male “coming.”
20. Must be nice. Is that twenty questions yet?
A: It is now.
21. Aw, crap!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sapphira
I mentioned in an earlier post that I lived in a very diverse dormitory when I was an undergrad. Yes, Matt lived above me, so that made things a lot more interesting for me, but today I am going to tell a tale about Sapphira. Sapphira is another reason why I didn’t come out as bi until much later, even to my friends.
Not only did Sapphira live in the women’s wing across from me, she was in a student group of which I was a member. Willie, who also lived in the women’s wing, was also a member. So, we all saw each other in 2 different social circles. I always thought Sapphira gave off weird pheromones. She didn’t smell bad or strongly, but there was a slight odor I detected whenever she was around. The aroma was a bit “off;” something didn’t smell right. Once, when Willie’s mother was visiting, she said, “Willie, what is that smell?”
“Oh, that’s just Sapphira, mom,” Willie said ingenuously.
I started dating Michelle and Matt in September. I was still trying to decide what to do when October 11th came around. That’s National Coming Out Day, if you didn’t know. Well, Sapphira came out as bi to the student group and to our dorm. She had been dating Luke, who was also in the student group but lived elsewhere. I was surprised and thought about saying, “Me, too!” But I didn’t.
As time wore on, Sapphira began showing up with Luke and now Tina in tow. Sometimes, she would make one of them sit in the hall while she was in her room with the other. Sometimes, Luke or Tina would wander around and chat with the rest of us. Once, Tina was talking to me when Sapphira screamed, “Tina! Here! NOW!” Luke was leaving the women’s wing, struggling to put his clothes back on.
As time wore on, not only was I feeling more conflicted about balancing dating Michelle and Matt at the same time, I was observing Sapphira. She would flirt and grope with anyone she came in contact with. She gave unsolicited and unwelcome touches and gropes. (She did that to me once: trust me, that’s not how to grab a penis). People in the group and in the dorm all commented on how she seemed constantly horny. She also seemed to have no regard or respect with her partners, which grew to include more than just Tina and Luke. In retrospect, I hate being judgmental, since everyone is different and sexual expression should be nobody’s business but the consenting (and knowing) adults who participate. Still, I loved my partners, but Sapphira seemed only interested in her own desires and pleasures. That to me was appalling. It still is. She also smugly boasted about the numbers of people she had “had.” She gave names, dates, positions. She would engage in very public displays of affection (usually snogging) while never showing any tenderness either in public or in smaller groups. She reveled in the notoriety of being bi, while I thought she was just trying to shock and didn’t care how she got pleasure, even if she didn’t care about her partners’ experiences: “I didn’t know there was such a thing as bad head…” said Benly once, after she had “outed” her relationship with him.
That was how Sapphira was. She still is in a lot of ways. So, it took me a long time to come out. I could see myself telling Willie, for example, who also saw such a wide array of Sapphira’s behaviors. “Willie, I’m bisexual.”
“You mean like Sapphira?”
“NO! NOT like Sapphira.”
Again, I say I hate to sound judgmental today, but I am still emotionally attracted to a partner, so to treat one, regardless of their gender, with such little regard is not how I was then and not how I am now. I love tenderness, sweetness, compassion, sharing, playfulness. I much prefer to make love with someone than to just fuck. I’ve done both, with men and women, & that is what I prefer. I can only speak for myself. Consenting adults who know what they’re doing should be able to express their sexuality with no fear.
Not only did Sapphira live in the women’s wing across from me, she was in a student group of which I was a member. Willie, who also lived in the women’s wing, was also a member. So, we all saw each other in 2 different social circles. I always thought Sapphira gave off weird pheromones. She didn’t smell bad or strongly, but there was a slight odor I detected whenever she was around. The aroma was a bit “off;” something didn’t smell right. Once, when Willie’s mother was visiting, she said, “Willie, what is that smell?”
“Oh, that’s just Sapphira, mom,” Willie said ingenuously.
I started dating Michelle and Matt in September. I was still trying to decide what to do when October 11th came around. That’s National Coming Out Day, if you didn’t know. Well, Sapphira came out as bi to the student group and to our dorm. She had been dating Luke, who was also in the student group but lived elsewhere. I was surprised and thought about saying, “Me, too!” But I didn’t.
As time wore on, Sapphira began showing up with Luke and now Tina in tow. Sometimes, she would make one of them sit in the hall while she was in her room with the other. Sometimes, Luke or Tina would wander around and chat with the rest of us. Once, Tina was talking to me when Sapphira screamed, “Tina! Here! NOW!” Luke was leaving the women’s wing, struggling to put his clothes back on.
As time wore on, not only was I feeling more conflicted about balancing dating Michelle and Matt at the same time, I was observing Sapphira. She would flirt and grope with anyone she came in contact with. She gave unsolicited and unwelcome touches and gropes. (She did that to me once: trust me, that’s not how to grab a penis). People in the group and in the dorm all commented on how she seemed constantly horny. She also seemed to have no regard or respect with her partners, which grew to include more than just Tina and Luke. In retrospect, I hate being judgmental, since everyone is different and sexual expression should be nobody’s business but the consenting (and knowing) adults who participate. Still, I loved my partners, but Sapphira seemed only interested in her own desires and pleasures. That to me was appalling. It still is. She also smugly boasted about the numbers of people she had “had.” She gave names, dates, positions. She would engage in very public displays of affection (usually snogging) while never showing any tenderness either in public or in smaller groups. She reveled in the notoriety of being bi, while I thought she was just trying to shock and didn’t care how she got pleasure, even if she didn’t care about her partners’ experiences: “I didn’t know there was such a thing as bad head…” said Benly once, after she had “outed” her relationship with him.
That was how Sapphira was. She still is in a lot of ways. So, it took me a long time to come out. I could see myself telling Willie, for example, who also saw such a wide array of Sapphira’s behaviors. “Willie, I’m bisexual.”
“You mean like Sapphira?”
“NO! NOT like Sapphira.”
Again, I say I hate to sound judgmental today, but I am still emotionally attracted to a partner, so to treat one, regardless of their gender, with such little regard is not how I was then and not how I am now. I love tenderness, sweetness, compassion, sharing, playfulness. I much prefer to make love with someone than to just fuck. I’ve done both, with men and women, & that is what I prefer. I can only speak for myself. Consenting adults who know what they’re doing should be able to express their sexuality with no fear.
Bisexual Questionnaire 1
1. How do you know you are not just gay/straight with some confusion about the other attraction?
A: It’s like in the military: you don’t think about or choose whom you “salute.” (I’m a man, so let that turn of phrase seep in & make sense)
2. Why don’t you just go with a woman, since it’d be so much easier?
A: Love is never easy. & I shouldn’t have to choose the “easier” path for love.
3. What is the sluttiest thing you’ve done in a bisexual way?
A: I was so aroused by an actress I had seen on television that I seduced my then-boyfriend to release the pent-up desire. (Dating two people at once may come close, but those were my first times. I was young.)
4. Are you completely bi? I mean, do you not prefer one sex over another?
A: I have tended to be more attracted (physically and emotionally at the same time) to men, but it’s all dependent on the person. My longest relationships have been with men, though.
5. Do all of your partners know that you are bi, not straight/gay?
A: Now, yes. Initially, no.
6. Since you’ve been with women…, are you a bottom when you’re with guys?
A: I’m versatile. Depends on our mood(s).
7. You said something about losing your virginity 5 times…?
A: Think about it. 3 holes. Two genders (nominally). I’ll let you figure it out to your liking.
8. Are you out to your friends?
A: To most of them, now. I don’t hide around them, but I don’t bother making a big announcement either. That’s just me. I’ll discuss why it took me a while to identify as bi in a later post.
9. What about to your family?
A: I was raised Southern Baptist, so no. They never wanted to hear when I was dating a woman, much less a man! I’ve dropped hints and hairpins, but nobody wants to pick them up. Some in my family are the kind who believe that if you ignore something long enough, it will go away. One sister who lives in southern Alabama is a very strict Baptist who uses the word “queer” like a sword from God. Nevertheless, I love her & her children, so I have feared breaking those ties. I’m selfish, because I love my nieces, nephew, etc., more than anything. I’d like to be out to them, but currently I’m not.
10. How long was your longest relationship?
A: Almost 5 years.
11. Could you be happy with just one person for the rest of your life? You know, not dally with someone of the other gender?
A: Yes, I do. I’m rather a romantic at heart, you see.
12. Have you ever dated someone else who was bi?
A: Yes.
13. Do you believe in God? Isn’t being bi a sin?
A: Yes, I do believe in God. I believe God made me how I am, & I do not believe that God is a cruel being who would make me this way and then say it was a sin.
14. Have you tried to not be bi?
A: Yes, I suppose I have. I bought into biphobia in both its facets. I tried to be just straight; I tried to be just gay. But the heart, mind, & loins want what they want. I have grown to accept and embrace that.
15. Are there any physical qualities that turn you off?
A: I generally don’t like men with long hair, women with fake breasts, people with mean streaks, ostentatious tattoos. I must admit people in good drag and genderfuck people mess with me just enough to limit my sexual chemistry. That’s a mess in my head that ought to be remedied.
16. Why are you doing this blog?
A: Therapeutic value for me. If it help someone else, that’s great. If not, bollocks.
17. Are you happy being bi?
A: Ecstatic. My happiness or unhappiness rarely springs solely from my sexual identity.
18. Who gives better head? Men or women?
A: Next question, please.
19. Aw, come on. How many questions do I get this time?
A: Twenty.
20. Twenty? Is that all?
A: Yes. We’ll have to do another set another time.
21. Can’t I ask a few more?
A: Thank you! Come again!
A: It’s like in the military: you don’t think about or choose whom you “salute.” (I’m a man, so let that turn of phrase seep in & make sense)
2. Why don’t you just go with a woman, since it’d be so much easier?
A: Love is never easy. & I shouldn’t have to choose the “easier” path for love.
3. What is the sluttiest thing you’ve done in a bisexual way?
A: I was so aroused by an actress I had seen on television that I seduced my then-boyfriend to release the pent-up desire. (Dating two people at once may come close, but those were my first times. I was young.)
4. Are you completely bi? I mean, do you not prefer one sex over another?
A: I have tended to be more attracted (physically and emotionally at the same time) to men, but it’s all dependent on the person. My longest relationships have been with men, though.
5. Do all of your partners know that you are bi, not straight/gay?
A: Now, yes. Initially, no.
6. Since you’ve been with women…, are you a bottom when you’re with guys?
A: I’m versatile. Depends on our mood(s).
7. You said something about losing your virginity 5 times…?
A: Think about it. 3 holes. Two genders (nominally). I’ll let you figure it out to your liking.
8. Are you out to your friends?
A: To most of them, now. I don’t hide around them, but I don’t bother making a big announcement either. That’s just me. I’ll discuss why it took me a while to identify as bi in a later post.
9. What about to your family?
A: I was raised Southern Baptist, so no. They never wanted to hear when I was dating a woman, much less a man! I’ve dropped hints and hairpins, but nobody wants to pick them up. Some in my family are the kind who believe that if you ignore something long enough, it will go away. One sister who lives in southern Alabama is a very strict Baptist who uses the word “queer” like a sword from God. Nevertheless, I love her & her children, so I have feared breaking those ties. I’m selfish, because I love my nieces, nephew, etc., more than anything. I’d like to be out to them, but currently I’m not.
10. How long was your longest relationship?
A: Almost 5 years.
11. Could you be happy with just one person for the rest of your life? You know, not dally with someone of the other gender?
A: Yes, I do. I’m rather a romantic at heart, you see.
12. Have you ever dated someone else who was bi?
A: Yes.
13. Do you believe in God? Isn’t being bi a sin?
A: Yes, I do believe in God. I believe God made me how I am, & I do not believe that God is a cruel being who would make me this way and then say it was a sin.
14. Have you tried to not be bi?
A: Yes, I suppose I have. I bought into biphobia in both its facets. I tried to be just straight; I tried to be just gay. But the heart, mind, & loins want what they want. I have grown to accept and embrace that.
15. Are there any physical qualities that turn you off?
A: I generally don’t like men with long hair, women with fake breasts, people with mean streaks, ostentatious tattoos. I must admit people in good drag and genderfuck people mess with me just enough to limit my sexual chemistry. That’s a mess in my head that ought to be remedied.
16. Why are you doing this blog?
A: Therapeutic value for me. If it help someone else, that’s great. If not, bollocks.
17. Are you happy being bi?
A: Ecstatic. My happiness or unhappiness rarely springs solely from my sexual identity.
18. Who gives better head? Men or women?
A: Next question, please.
19. Aw, come on. How many questions do I get this time?
A: Twenty.
20. Twenty? Is that all?
A: Yes. We’ll have to do another set another time.
21. Can’t I ask a few more?
A: Thank you! Come again!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Celebrate Bisexuality Day!!
"[Being bisexual is] the worst of any world because you don't really belong anywhere, because you are never sure of yourself or those around you. You can't trust in anyone, their motives or their intentions. And because of that, you have, in a world that likes its nice shiny labels, no true identity."
—Ianto Jones in The Twilight Streets by Gary Russell
Today is September 23. Today is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. Bet you didn’t know we had a day, did you? It’s not meant to be divisive. It was only founded to remind people of one of those bands in that great rainbow flag of the LGBTQI community.
Being bisexual comes with a multitude of problems. You might be “too straight” for the gay community. You’re definitely too gay for the straight community. People might think you’re easy, slutty, or totally not picky. Some may even think you’re so desperate that you’d take any sexual contact regardless. Some blame you for spreading diseases. Some say you are just too scared to come “completely” out of the closet and are trying to maintain some of the privileges associated with heterosexuality. Some still see only binaries: you must be either straight or gay and are just in some “phase.” Yeah, it’s a phase called my whole life.
Bisexuals can be marginalized. In a heterosexist, patriarchal culture, that might seem obvious. But when gay & lesbian allies and friends also marginalize you for expressing your sexual identity while they embrace theirs, it is kind of unsettling and disappointing.
I am just me. I’m a kitchen door. I’m Gillette, because I cut both ways. AC/DC. I’m not usually slutty. I can be Jif, because I’m a choosy muther. Here I am; I can do no other. Amen.
Here are a few links if you are interested:
Biphobia
Bisexual Erasure
Celebrate Bisexuality Day
—Ianto Jones in The Twilight Streets by Gary Russell
Today is September 23. Today is Celebrate Bisexuality Day. Bet you didn’t know we had a day, did you? It’s not meant to be divisive. It was only founded to remind people of one of those bands in that great rainbow flag of the LGBTQI community.
Being bisexual comes with a multitude of problems. You might be “too straight” for the gay community. You’re definitely too gay for the straight community. People might think you’re easy, slutty, or totally not picky. Some may even think you’re so desperate that you’d take any sexual contact regardless. Some blame you for spreading diseases. Some say you are just too scared to come “completely” out of the closet and are trying to maintain some of the privileges associated with heterosexuality. Some still see only binaries: you must be either straight or gay and are just in some “phase.” Yeah, it’s a phase called my whole life.
Bisexuals can be marginalized. In a heterosexist, patriarchal culture, that might seem obvious. But when gay & lesbian allies and friends also marginalize you for expressing your sexual identity while they embrace theirs, it is kind of unsettling and disappointing.
I am just me. I’m a kitchen door. I’m Gillette, because I cut both ways. AC/DC. I’m not usually slutty. I can be Jif, because I’m a choosy muther. Here I am; I can do no other. Amen.
Here are a few links if you are interested:
Biphobia
Bisexual Erasure
Celebrate Bisexuality Day
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