Sapphira

I mentioned in an earlier post that I lived in a very diverse dormitory when I was an undergrad. Yes, Matt lived above me, so that made things a lot more interesting for me, but today I am going to tell a tale about Sapphira. Sapphira is another reason why I didn’t come out as bi until much later, even to my friends.

Not only did Sapphira live in the women’s wing across from me, she was in a student group of which I was a member. Willie, who also lived in the women’s wing, was also a member. So, we all saw each other in 2 different social circles. I always thought Sapphira gave off weird pheromones. She didn’t smell bad or strongly, but there was a slight odor I detected whenever she was around. The aroma was a bit “off;” something didn’t smell right. Once, when Willie’s mother was visiting, she said, “Willie, what is that smell?”
“Oh, that’s just Sapphira, mom,” Willie said ingenuously.

I started dating Michelle and Matt in September. I was still trying to decide what to do when October 11th came around. That’s National Coming Out Day, if you didn’t know. Well, Sapphira came out as bi to the student group and to our dorm. She had been dating Luke, who was also in the student group but lived elsewhere. I was surprised and thought about saying, “Me, too!” But I didn’t.

As time wore on, Sapphira began showing up with Luke and now Tina in tow. Sometimes, she would make one of them sit in the hall while she was in her room with the other. Sometimes, Luke or Tina would wander around and chat with the rest of us. Once, Tina was talking to me when Sapphira screamed, “Tina! Here! NOW!” Luke was leaving the women’s wing, struggling to put his clothes back on.

As time wore on, not only was I feeling more conflicted about balancing dating Michelle and Matt at the same time, I was observing Sapphira. She would flirt and grope with anyone she came in contact with. She gave unsolicited and unwelcome touches and gropes. (She did that to me once: trust me, that’s not how to grab a penis). People in the group and in the dorm all commented on how she seemed constantly horny. She also seemed to have no regard or respect with her partners, which grew to include more than just Tina and Luke. In retrospect, I hate being judgmental, since everyone is different and sexual expression should be nobody’s business but the consenting (and knowing) adults who participate. Still, I loved my partners, but Sapphira seemed only interested in her own desires and pleasures. That to me was appalling. It still is. She also smugly boasted about the numbers of people she had “had.” She gave names, dates, positions. She would engage in very public displays of affection (usually snogging) while never showing any tenderness either in public or in smaller groups. She reveled in the notoriety of being bi, while I thought she was just trying to shock and didn’t care how she got pleasure, even if she didn’t care about her partners’ experiences: “I didn’t know there was such a thing as bad head…” said Benly once, after she had “outed” her relationship with him.

That was how Sapphira was. She still is in a lot of ways. So, it took me a long time to come out. I could see myself telling Willie, for example, who also saw such a wide array of Sapphira’s behaviors. “Willie, I’m bisexual.”
“You mean like Sapphira?”
“NO! NOT like Sapphira.”

Again, I say I hate to sound judgmental today, but I am still emotionally attracted to a partner, so to treat one, regardless of their gender, with such little regard is not how I was then and not how I am now. I love tenderness, sweetness, compassion, sharing, playfulness. I much prefer to make love with someone than to just fuck. I’ve done both, with men and women, & that is what I prefer. I can only speak for myself. Consenting adults who know what they’re doing should be able to express their sexuality with no fear.