1. Why do you need to identify as bisexual? Why don’t you “pass” as straight or gay, depending on your situation?
A: It would be dishonest, & I shouldn’t have to cave in to someone else’s inability to see beyond the binary.
2. Do you have specific sexual positions when you’re with a woman as opposed to with a man?
A: Why do you keep asking about the sexual aspects? For me personally, the emotional bond is much sexier. (I prefer face-to-face intimacy, though, regardless)
3. Okay, fine. Have you ever been in love with someone to whom you had no sexual attraction?
A: Yes. (Not that these people were repulsive; sexual desire just wasn’t there)
4. Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t in love with?
A: Yes, but sex is much more satisfying to me (even just in the physical sense) when I feel some emotional bond to my partner.
5. Are the names in your stories real? Is that what really happened?
A: I have related what happened as well as I can. I may have edited a few things. Some conversations may have been a bit longer with more digressions than I have written here. Generally, I have changed names, although one story does have the main people’s real names. I usually write the tale with real names, then find-replace. I forgot in one of the tales.
6. Have you had more male partners or female partners?
A: *sigh* Back harping on just the sex aspect, huh? Fine. Male.
7. Have you ever picked someone up at a bar?
A: I am generally not a fan of the bar scene—whether it be straight or gay.
8. Was your best orgasm with a man or a woman?
A: What is your obsession with only the sex part? Jeez! It was a woman, she made me arch my back and shudder for over half an hour even after the moment of climax. Happy now?
9. Very. Why does it bother you for me to ask about the sex part?
A: Because actual sex is only one part of sexual identity.
10. Are people surprised when you come out to them?
A: Sometimes. It’s usually only for one of those binaries, though.
“I thought you only slept with guys!” or “I thought you were straight!”
11. What about “bisexual chic”?
A: That’s not easy to answer. It sucks to have had some people think I was trying to be trendy when I have identified and been bi for a long time now, even when it’s not “fashionable.” Also, the “chic” and “experimental” aspect seems to privilege heterosexist norms.
12. What do you mean?
A: Well, although there are indeed many questioning people and “experimenting” can resolve any questions those individuals might have, the “fashionable” side seems to be provocative for the sake of being provocative. It also seems to imply that while one might “fool around” with a same-sex partner, the main attraction and social identification will be with the opposite-sex partner. “I kissed a girl just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it” ? I’m being a bit reductive, but it is a way I feel at times.
13. “Heterosexist norms”? “Reductive”? You’re in academia, aren’t you?
A: Yes. Sorry for the jargon.
14. Do you act more straight or gay?
A: I act like me. There are aspects that could be stereotyped as typically straight-male behavior, some as women’s behavior, some as queeny behavior. I can camp it up very well. Gen-X’ers of all sexualities can Baby Jane you when inspired.
15. Have you experienced more prejudice coming from straights or from gays?
A: I’ve had some from both, and homophobia is much more rampant. It needs to be eradicated first & foremost. The worst reaction I have ever had was from a woman friend (just a friend for whom I held no sexual desire) who liked me as her “gay friend,” like on Sex & the City, but when she found out I was bisexual, she seemed to think I was making a play for her and became very uncomfortable around me.
16. What do you do when someone believes something like that about you or your sexuality that isn’t true?
A: You can try to reassure them, educate them, convince them, but many people, when they have an idea firmly in their head, will stick with that belief, regardless of any evidence to contradict it. Tragic, but true.
17. Why did you close off comments on the posts?
A: I had a few germane comments, but most were from gay-bashers or people dedicated to bisexual erasure in the upholding of the sexuality binary. I also had one person who kept writing, “I know you! You’re _____, aren’t you!” That person was wrong, but kept posting in the comments section. I got tired of posting responses that I was not in fact who they thought I was (see reply to previous question).
18. Do you think most people are bisexual and just slip into one of the binaries of being totally gay or totally straight?
A: I make no assertions or assumptions about anything or anyone.
19. Women can fake an orgasm. Can a guy?
A: I don’t know. I have had orgasms that did not produce ejaculate, though. Perhaps it’s so-called polymorphous perversity, perhaps it was a prostate orgasm, perhaps a “braingasm,” but I have definitely had endorphins flood every fiber of my being and give me ecstatic pleasure throughout my body even without traditional male “coming.”
20. Must be nice. Is that twenty questions yet?
A: It is now.
21. Aw, crap!
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