Sexual Identity & Orientation

The other day, some friends of mine were discussing the various terms and slang words used by and sometimes against the LGBTQI community. Some of these terms were new to each of us. Some terms that we used with abandon were not in the list we were looking at. What really made the discussion memorable was when a friend noticed that, although they had several similar terms, the term “versatile” was absent. Since both he and I are what would be termed versatile, we found that a bit interesting. Another friend posited that perhaps that such a thing as that should be listed as part of one’s sexual identity/orientation because it is perhaps even a better definition of who one is sexually than just the gender of the one(s) to whom you are attracted. She was wanting to stimulate debate, but the other guy abruptly went on with reading the list. She brought it up again, noting how funny it was that he not only let that thought die, but that he had kind of killed it. He went straight to reading more terms. Although that provoked laughter, I think her remark was very interesting—even sagacious, because it shows just how irrelevant someone’s private sexuality between consenting adults should be to anyone else. It should not be a piqued subject of inquiry about another person. “Is she straight? Is he gay? Is s/he the dominant one in a relationship?” What one does in bed may partially define you, but it does not solely define you. Why should that matter to anyone else but you and your partner (or partners)?

The Story of Corey

Sometime after my relationship with Matt ended (I admit that it did not really end at the Christmas break that I alluded to earlier), I met Corey. Corey was a friend of a very devout Christian friend of mine. She had a weird sense of humor, much like mine, but different enough to come up with even more bizarre angles while looking askance at the world. I also thought she was beautiful in body as well. She had dark blonde hair that was shoulder-length. Her green eyes lit up a room. As did her smile, and her laugh was strong (not loud) and flowed like honey. We hung out together a few times and then we decided to go out. I told her about my past with Michelle…and with Matt. She didn’t care! We grew closer. We did not go all the way for some time into dating, but when we did, it was amazing. Corey’s clitoral hood would swell when she was getting aroused. Her clitoris was a bit bigger—a bit phallic. She had been worried that a man would find that…problematic. Not so much of a problem for me. I don’t know if straight guys have issues or what, but it was nice to have a visible cue to what might be working to stimulate her that had not happened with Michelle. I loved Corey, & I enjoyed making love with her. I even thought about proposing.

I dated Corey for around 2 years. Some people say that sex is not that big of a deal for a woman. Corey could exhaust you! She once had us both going—carefully but passionately—for around 5 hours. At the end of those 5 hours, she was able to do some things with her internal muscles that made me shudder and orgasm for almost 30 minutes, even though the act of ejaculation did not take that long. She could find and caress the most erogenous zones of my body. Thanks to her, I learned that the insides of my knees and elbows can turn me to jelly when stimulated just right. She was always kind about my performance, but she always blew me away. She was also the first person who would kiss me in various and exciting ways. Michelle and I would kiss in the same way almost every time; it was very nice but not so varied. Matt was sloppy and exciting, but Corey could balance the sloppy passion with the romantic sweetness that I grew to cherish more than any other type of kiss.

Corey & I didn’t really have a lot in common apart from our skewed humor and sex. When it grew closer to her graduation date (she was a year older than me), we began to recognize that we loved each other but that didn’t really know why. I had always felt like I had met the one I was destined to spend the rest of my life with, but somehow things also seemed…off…at the end. We also realized that she would be moving on soon to grad school far from ____________. Although we remained close and continued to explore our sexuality, we also began to drift apart as her senior year progressed. In May, we both knew that we couldn’t really continue like this. We had what amounted to breakup sex on her graduation day, and it was amazing. Nevertheless, my relationship with Corey waned and came to an end. She was the last woman I loved utterly both body and soul. That was some time ago, even if she wasn’t my last love or the last woman I was intimate with. I sometimes ponder what could have been, but I loved what we had. You will always have part of my heart, Corey!