1. Have you ever been in a threeway with a man and a woman at the same time?
A: I have never been in any threeway. That’s not something that generally appeals to me. I prefer a strong, one-on-one bond with a single partner. That’s just me.
2. Have you ever cheated on a partner?
A: Other than my first times, when I was dating a man and a woman at the same time, no. I have kissed someone, but that’s all.
3. Has a partner ever cheated on you?
A: That may be fodder for future entries, but yes.
4. Have you ever wanted to “get married” or whatever with a partner?
A: Yes. Very much so, a couple of times.
5. Are you dating anyone now?
A: *cough* Why? Are you asking me out?
6. Umm…I’ll go to the next question…
A: Suit yourself.
6a. Hey! That wasn’t a question! & I’m trying to keep tabs this time!
A: Okay. You’re right; it wasn’t a question.
6b. What has been the most difficult part of being bi?
A: That is a difficult question to answer, because there are several answers. Continued prejudice or stereotypes about bisexuality is one thing. Not feeling like I can come out to the family I cherish is another.
7. October 11 is National Coming Out Day. Will you come out then? Do bisexuals even celebrate National Coming Out Day?
A: First, National Coming Out Day is for everyone of all sexualities to express themselves freely and not be ashamed of their sexual identity. It’s part of the Human Rights Campaign. Although I am not ashamed, I probably will not come out (again) to my family for a few reasons.
8. Such as?
A: As I have said before, I am selfish enough that I don’t want to miss out on their company, which could be strained, or even ended, if I were to come out at this point. Also, I won’t be near any of them. When I do tell them, wouldn’t it be better face to face than through some phone call or email or something detached and impersonal?
8a. I guess so…
A: Still, I plan on being active in NCOD celebrations in my community. I plan to speak at an event about coming out. I am not going to hide because I am afraid they’ll see, either.
9. What has been the worst part of not coming out to your family?
A: Not being able to share my absolute joy when I have been utterly in love or my utter sadness when that relationship ended.
10. Would you recommend coming out or staying in the closet?
A: Every situation and every individual is different, but I think hiding and being (somewhat) dishonest has sometimes colored my relations with my family. Thus, I would definitely advocate coming out if you felt the least bit comfortable and had a support system. What I have done is neither good nor bad nor worthy of emulation; it’s simply what I have done.
11. What do you mean “(somewhat) dishonest”?
A: Well, I have used the old trick of the generic “they” instead of “he” or “she” when I discussed relationships, when anyone ever wanted to hear about them at all, that is! Since I have never married, I bet there are some in my family that believe that I am still a virgin! Even when I have dated a woman, the discussion never was pursued when I brought it up. When I was living very happily with a man about whom I spoke at length, the idea that he was anything more than “my best bud” never seemed to register either. Don’t know whether that was because it was I was having “relations” out of wedlock or whether they never had any interest in me beyond superficialities anyway.
12. That sounds a little harsh. Do you resent your family?
A: Maybe I do a little, but I love them so very much too. It’s a catch-22 for me. I tend to be a person of great humor, but I admit that this does yet get to me, even after all these years.
13. How else has your family been weird about this?
A: Ooh! Some sort of analyst, eh? Hoping for transference, maybe? Well, there are a couple of key things that always have gotten to me in retrospect. For one thing, when I had my first orgasm, I was awake. I had no idea what was going on. I had been feeling pleasure, then I felt something coming out of my penis that was milky white. I panicked and screamed. My mother, a registered nurse, ran to see what was wrong and I explained the situation *cringes now*
“Did you have a wet dream?” She asked bluntly.
“No, mama. I wasn’t asleep. I wasn’t dreaming at all!”
She gave me a very brief rundown of what was going on. I asked her, “Why didn’t you or Dad tell me this before?”
“I expected you’d learn it from your friends or off the street.” Yes, she actually said that! She assured me that Dad would talk to me about it. I’ve still never had that convo with him, even almost 30 years later.
Another thing that always struck me as odd was this. When I was in 7th grade, I thought I would change my image. I wanted a new haircut. Better clothes (not even flamboyant ones—just newer, “cooler” ones). The sort of things teens start to think about. When I was thinking about the new hairstyle (I’d had the pageboy/bowl cut for my whole life), I looked at pictures in magazines and the like. I would even cut the pictures out of magazines, etc., of possible styles to try. I kept them in a box & wondered what I would look like with my hair like the person in the picture. Honest. I never thought anything more carnal than that at that time. One day, the box vanished from my room. I asked my Mom what happened to the box. She “didn’t know.” She never addressed the box again, although I asked at least twice more because I was sure that she would have seen it (& that she would have known its purpose). Thus began the culture of silence and of ignoring my possible desires, even if, truly, at that moment my desire was merely to have a different look and not a snog.
14. You use that word “snog” a lot. Aren’t you from Northeast Tennessee originally?
A: Yes. My neighbors were from Britain, and some of their slang stuck with me through the years. Plus, there was PBS in my hometown, with Masterpiece Theatre and Monty Python. *sigh* I saw my first ladies’ breasts on Monty Python! I also saw my first same-sex kiss there, although that may have been in the movie The Sergeant, which my father was watching when I was a small boy, although that kiss seemed like an assault instead of a true kiss. My father changed the channel nonetheless. NEWAZ, some of my slang got co-opted by British neighbours and by telly, so sue me. I still say “y’all” though.
15. You’ve also traveled. Have you been bi abroad?
A: I’m bi wherever I am. That’s a most puzzling question.
16. I meant, have you…uh…done it in foreign countries?
A: Oh. Yes. Maybe it’s the Coriolis effect, but some things do go down the other way in the Southern hemisphere.
17. What do you mean by that?
A: I don’t think Kevin would want me to tell.
18. Um…okay…Does size matter? I mean, does a guy have to be well hung or a girl have to have large breasts?
A: Yeesh! What a question!
18a. Sorry…
A: I’ll answer, though. Not really, no. As I have said, I am a romantic at heart, so it is my emotional desire for a partner that is most fulfilling sexually. Besides, there are toys, tongues, and other things that can give you pleasures that a partner may not bring to the table physically on their own, but can cause your flesh to shudder with a little outside help and love. In fact, my longest relationship was with a man with a smallish penis who maybe hit my p-spot twice in 5 years, but could send me shuddering with love goosebumps everytime. He was also a bit tongue-tied, but I loved kissing him. I enjoyed sex with him because I loved him. Plus, he had magic hands.
19. Wow! If I weren’t asking, I would totally say TMI!
A: Can one truly have too much information?
19a. I don’t know, Ha! You asked me a question! Does that mean I get another one?
A: No, still twenty…and asking me if you win an extra just used up number 19 for you.
20. Oh, shit! Can I ask more questions in the future?
A: I suppose.
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